See ya’ in 2008

This is likely to be my last posting for 2007.

And I just feel like sharing one of my favorite pieces by the late Chairil Anwar …

When I started my career in journalism back in the early 80s, I often quoted and discussed this piece with friends in the office.

At the time, we—a bunch of young, foolish and arrogant journalists—thought we were the only ones in the huge office interested in this kind of literary product.

Cheers to the good old days!

DERAI DERAI CEMARA

cemara menderai sampai jauh
terasa hari akan jadi malam
ada beberapa dahan di tingkap merapuh
dipukul angin yang terpendam

aku sekarang orangnya bisa tahan
sudah berapa waktu bukan kanak lagi
tapi dulu memang ada suatu bahan
yang bukan dasar perhitungan kini

hidup hanya menunda kekalahan
tambah terasing dari cinta sekolah rendah
dan tahu, ada yang tetap tidak terucapkan
sebelum pada akhirnya kita menyerah

1949

PINES IN THE DISTANCE

Pines scatter in the distance,
as day becomes night,
branches slap weakly at the window,
pushed by a sultry wind.

I'm now a person who can survive,
so long ago I left childhood behind,
though once there was something,
that now counts for nothing at all.

Life is but postponement of defeat,
a growing estrangement from youth's unfettered love
a knowing there's always something left unsaid,
before we finally acquiesce.

1949

Azra on Ahmadiyah and the so-called deviant teachings

‘The first attack on Ahmadiyah was led by a descendant from Hadral Maut’

Violent clashes between sects within Islam are no longer unusual in Indonesia, a country, once known for its religious tolerance. The past months for example, saw several attacks made on the sect Ahmadiyah. The obvious question is: Why now? After all, the Ahmadiyah community has lived in peaceful co-existence with mainstream Muslims in this country ever since it was still a Dutch colony. Could it be because the Indonesian Council of Ulemas (MUI) declared it an “errant” and “deviant” sect? Or is it because the government has allowed violence to pass unpunished?

To get at the root of the problem, a colleague of mine, spoke to Azyumardi Azra, a professor of history and director of post-graduate studies at Jakarta's State Islamic University (UIN) Syarief Hidayatullah. Below are excerpts of the interview (with some minor editing from me):

Q: Do these conflicts have their root far back in the past, during the time of the Prophet Muhammad, or are there other reasons?

A: When we talk about frictions, conflicts and so forth, Islam is actually no different from other religions. To a certain degree, other religions, particularly Christianity, could be even worse. We can see this in Europe's history, what happened there when Protestantism became a religion apart from Catholicism. All religions are susceptible to break-ups because the principles laid down in the scriptures could be multi-interpretable. That creates differences in understanding, and often one understanding is held to be the truest by those who promulgate that interpretation. And so each sect, or school of thought, comes to see its own interpretation as the “most correct.” This happens especially because of the emergence of movements, or ideas, that are transnational in character and position themselves (in the case of Islam) as the only unadulterated teachings of Islam—or the Salafiah, the school of Salafi, in the popular vernacular. This movement is brought and disseminated here by descendants of people from Hadral Maut, in Yemen.

Q: Could you be a little more specific?

A: If we look at the attack on the first attack on Ahmadiyah in Parung, that was led by a descendant from Hadral Maut. I forgot his name. But that is the way they express themselves. They are different from NU (Nahdlatul Ulama) or Muhammadiyah—the country’s two largest Muslim organizations—which are more tolerant because their Islam is more in a social, cultural and political Indonesian context.

Q: What actually is the orientation, and the societal and social-political leaning of groups such as Hisbut Tahrir?

A: Hisbut Tahrir is one of the transnational movements of Islam that emerged in Syria, led by a sheik named Taqiuddin Adamhani, which separated from the original group, the Ihwanul Muslimin. He founded the Hisbut Tahrir. Its main idea is to set up a caliphate embracing all Muslims in the world. Second is to establish the sharia (Islamic law). In their belief, only the establishment of a caliphate can unite all Muslims in the world. Therefore, the establishment of a universal caliphate is a central issue for Hisbut Tahrir, although the idea of a caliphate has never been popular in Indonesia. It has never been an important issue within NU or Muhammadiyah. Actually, Hisbut Tahrir has existed since the late 1970s or early 1980s, although they did not dare to proclaim their existence openly. That only happened after the reform movement (reformasi).

Q: And what about Ahmadiyah?

A: Ahmadiyah already existed here during the Dutch colonial era, since the 1920s. And I know for sure that for more than 90%, both in practice and religious understanding, Ahmadiyah is identical with Sunni or Syiah. They are different only in one respect: that of Mirza Gulam Ahmad. Whether Ahmad is a “mujadid” (renewer) or a prophet. Yes, there is a group within Ahmadiyah which considers Ahmad to be a “prophet,” but not in the sense that he introduced a new sharia. Their sharia is still that of the Prophet Muhammad. Ahmad as a “prophet” only revitalized it. Our Dutch-educated Muslim leaders became familiar and studied Islam using Ahmadiyah books written in English. The interpretation of the Koran by Muhammad Ali, an Ahmadiyah follower—leaders like Muhammad Roem and Haji Agus Salim, used that to study Islam.

Q: So Ahmadiyah is not a new phenomenon. What about Wahabiah, or Wahabism?

A: Not at all. And generally they live in peace with the local population. But since the puritan teachings of Islam came to Indonesia and grew more immoderate, Ahmadiyah became a target. So there is a foreign, or transnational element. The arrival of Wahabism or Salafiah from the Middle East did sway certain people in certain organizations or joined the MUI, for example—and it was then that Ahmadiyah was decreed an aberrant sect. Wahabiah (Wahabism) is a sect within Islam which puts the emphasis on purifying the teachings of Islam. Under their societal idea, people who practice things that in their view is not in accordance with the teachings of Islam will be made their target. Maulid Nabi (the birth of the Prophet), for example, they consider it haram (forbidden) while in our villages it has become part of the people's tradition. It is these things that upset the stability of Islamic life in Indonesia, creating frictions and even growing violence.

Q: What can our Islamic leader and thinkers do to ensure that Islam in Indonesia can grow more tolerant and peaceful?

A: I am now criticizing MUI's fatwas that are based on a very rigid interpretation of the fiqih (Islamic law), such as the one which says that liberalism, pluralism and secularism are haram. Quite often their understanding is wrong, like equating pluralism with syncretism, so that accepting pluralism would mean mixing religions. Of course this is wrong, because pluralism is recognizing the existence of other religions and respecting their beliefs and being tolerant. That is what happens with MUI fatwas, which often depart from a wrong understanding, or from a rigid interpretation of the fiqih. They don't sufficiently take into account the social, cultural and political Indonesian context.

Q: As far as you know, does the government have any cultural program ready to cool down religious tension in this country?

A: I don't think they have. Generally speaking, the government has no firm policy or a clear direction to accomplish a healthier religious life. This is especially evident since a number of religious affairs ministers since the reform movement have said that Ahmadiyah should be banned. That shouldn't be the way to do it. The government is duty bound to protect its citizens. It is perfectly alright for a certain group to say that another group is aberrant, but that is no justification for violence or taking the law into one's own hands. That is where the weakness of two successive governments lies. They don't want to be firm in upholding the law, and so the Ahmadiyah people continue to be targets of violence.

Q: A while ago the Attorney General said that his institution cannot take any action until the MUI has issued its fatwa. What is your comment?

A: That is a good example of an official making a misguided statement. Apart from that he is putting the MUI in a wrong position. The MUI is not an official institution and it is not a government institution, and legally it has never been decided that it is the only one which is authorized to issue fatwas. An according to the fiqih (Islamic law), a fatwa is not binding. It is only one among several legal opinions that can either followed or not. So the Attorney General has made mistakes on several levels. First, Indonesia is not an Islamic state. There is no mufti. We have no ifta' which in Islamic countries has the sole authority to issue binding fatwas. MUI is not a formal institution. It is federation representing several Islamic organizations in Indonesia. In Indonesia, there are several kinds of fatwa, such as those from the Majlis Tarjjih Muhamaddiyah and NU's Bahsul Masa'il, and the ummat is free to decide which one to follow—or to follow none at all.

The assassination of Benazir Bhutto

Death

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. (Isaac Asimov, U.S. science fiction novelist and scholar, 1920 - 1992)

For Benazir Bhutto the “troublesome” part probably was the suicide bombing that eventually took her life on Thursday.

When the news about her death started to spread, people all over the world were filled with dismay especially because the country she loved so much was in the final stages of holding general elections.

But, Bhutto—although popular and charismatic—did have many enemies. Some members of Pakistan's intelligence establishment, for example, resented the idea of a woman leading a Muslim nation while there were Bhutto's verbal assaults as well against militant Muslims.

In the Pakistani (secret) agencies and in the army it is believed that there are many people who are not secular, who are fundamentalists and will help a suicide bomber to carry out his job.

A former Afghanistan Taliban intelligence official, Mullah Ehsanullah, earlier this year was quoted as saying that there were more than 500 men training as suicide bombers in 50 sites across the region in Pakistan and Afghanistan. “These camps are run by al Qaida and include Pakistani jihadis and Arab militants,” he said.

And Bhutto, being as outspoken as she had always been, on many occasions openly threatened these militants, something that led to an ever increasing hatred toward her especially because she had—rightly or wrongly—also been described as a U.S. ally.

And it was nothing but hatred that culminated in her assassination. But everything would not end there because even less than 24 hours after her death, Pakistan was already rocked by riots—dashing hopes for a smooth transition from a military dictatorship to democracy and raised the possibility of lasting chaos in the nuclear-armed nation. This should prompt us to—while mourning for Bhutto’s demise—clearly see how hatred sometimes does not only lead to the death of one person or more, but also of democracy.

The late Jim Morrison, the lead singer of the legendary rockband The Doors once said “hatred is a very underestimated emotion.” Are we going to continue underestimating it and let it kill democracy? That’s exactly the question each and everyone of us must be able to give an answer to.

Political parties under attack

Dissatisfaction

Indonesians are not so keen on political parties. At least that’s what a polling agency, IndoBarometer, recently stated after conducting a research on people’s perception about the performance of the country’s political parties.

No less than 54.6% of the respondents covered by the research said they were not satisfied with the existing political parties. It was not something new actually because about a month ago Transparency International-Indonesia (TII) also announced that in their perception index, political parties ranked the fourth on the list of most corrupt institutions in Indonesia.

But like it or not, this is really the era of political parties. There are so many of them today while during the authoritarian regime of ex-president Soeharto, there were only three.

Political parties were not only limited in number at the time but their growth was also strictly under control that on many occasions they could not name their own chairman as everybody holding such a “strategic” position must first of all earn the government’s “blessings.”

That’s no longer the case. They don’t need such blessings because they have become so powerful that—especially through the legislative rights at the House of Representatives (DPR)—they can practically interfere in each and every decision making process by the executive.

But has the power been truly dedicated to the people? Hasn’t the power been turned into something to benefit politicians, or their close circles, only?

The fact is, despite the euphoric emergence of political parties in the country, a very large number of people still live in poverty, economic growth has not been well distributed, education and health services are still scarce.

Of course, it is easy to say that the current administration should be held responsible for all the country’s major socio-economic problems. However, considering the fact that the legislative branch is holding a very big and influential power, probably it is high time to ask: what have the politicians—who represent political parties at the DPR—been doing all these times?

As the year 2007 almost comes to an end, we can only urge political parties to carry out some self-evaluation—introspection will be even better—on their roles. Otherwise, we can see a bigger number of people who are dissatisfied with their performance next year, something which can cost them a huge number of votes in the 2009 general elections.

Events we celebrate next year

100th and 10th anniversary

The year 2008 is only several days away. And we can expect the new year to be very colorful. After all, we are going the celebrate the 100th year of our national awakening and the 10th anniversary of the start of what has always been referred to as the reform era.

Both obviously are very important events. So much so that for the first, the logo of the 2008 Visit Indonesia Year is also highlighted by a phrase that says “celebrating 100 years of national awakening.”

The second, probably does not need any catch-phrase because it is still relatively fresh in our mind. But some also say that ten years—a decade—probably has erased a lot of things associated with reform because even today we can see that many same, old practices are still looming.

A clear example is our inability to produce new leaders, something that has resulted in the fact that most—if not all—of our public offices are still held by old-timers, those who were “already there” during the Soeharto regime.

Even worse is the fact that practically none of the current leaders are “men of vision” as they, intentionally or not, let themselves be trapped in short-term objectives under the pretext of democracy.

Of course, it is not fair to say that reform has brought nothing to the country and its people. We, for example, have enjoyed bigger press freedom and better law enforcement.

But probably what we need is not only something bigger, but something more meaningful and this can only be fulfilled with the emergence of young, new and aspiring, leaders.

Back in 1908 our leaders were all young but already thought about something visionary: national independence. Almost 10 years after we toppled Soeharto from his 32 years of authoritarian rule, we still haven’t clearly formulated, let alone commonly agree on, our next vision as a nation-state.

Therefore, as we are about to enter the year 2008, probably it is high time as well that we are not only planning the celebrations and ceremonies of the 100th National Awakening Day and the 10th Reform Anniversary, but also the best ways to groom leaders for the republic.

It is not important whether the leaders are born or made because it is for sure that if we continue to pin our hopes on the same, old, and tired faces, all the historic—even heroic—events of 100 and 10 years ago, will be just one of those moments to remember, but not to live by.

Aceh and Nias by end of 2007

Three years on

Three years ago a tsunami wrecked Aceh province and Nias district, killing over 100,000 people and practically wiped out all buildings, infrastructure, farm lands and public facilities.

If there was something that taught us about the major disaster—some say the biggest in the last 100 years—it must be about solidarity. As soon as the news about it spread, domestic and international humanitarian aid came although at first it was extremely difficult just to get access to the victims. The results—although still unsatisfactory to some people—today among other things are the construction of more than 100,000 houses to replace those destroyed in the disaster, over 2,000 kilometers of roads and about 800 schools. In total, international donors have spent no less than US$4.6 billion to rebuild Aceh and Nias while the government also poured in quite a large amount of funds.

All these have led to the revival of socio-economic activities in the tsunami-stricken areas. However, next year most of the volunteers and the donor agencies will wind up their activities and so will the Aceh-Nias Reconstruction and Rehabilitation Agency (Aceh-Nias BRR).

Therefore, unless a “transitional period” is well put in place, it is likely that the full recovery process will be affected.

Worries, after all, have been aired by a lot of people over the possibility that everything will crumble after the aid organizations—and their funds—are gone. In other words, it is imperative that Aceh and Nias start spinning their “development engines” by themselves.

And they can only do so when investments—not aid—do come. The challenge, therefore, is to lure investors quickly especially during the transitional period so when the Aceh-Nias BRR and all those donor agencies cease their activities, all socio-economic activities in the province and district can still run at the expected speed and level.

However, there is no new or magic formula in attracting investors. This means, Aceh and Nias must—like the rest of Indonesia—always make sure that all the laws are abided by, political squabbling is phased-out, graft is eradicated, infrastructure is available, land and property ownership is well-guaranteed, and bureaucracy is simplified.

Only with such measures that investors will be willing to come.

December notes…

And now the end (of 2007) is near…and so I face the final curtain (of 2007)…

Today is Dec. 25, the day of Christmas celebration for the Christians throughout the world. In our office, there are quite a number of Christians. I wish them the best and merriest Christmas of all although I know perfectly well that things have been very difficult for them in the last 12 months. Actually, I should have said “for us”—the whole team—as things have been really, really, rocky.

To a certain degree, all those hardships have even begun to affect our relationships, even friendship. I just hope that we—I—will be able to get over it soon so we can start 2008 with a renewed spirit and with something that will eventually lead to a real improvement to our die-hard endeavor to keep our ship floating.

On a more personal basis, I don’t know what has gotten into me in terms of health. Yes, I’m still blessed with the ability to professionally move things around despite what some people described as “incredible obstacles.” But, of course, there are also friends who have always been ready to lend a helping hand, without whom I don’t think I will survive this far.

However, in the last two months, I have to undergo a relatively lengthy medical treatment for my reproductive organ problem and asthma, reminding me of my “vulnerability” as well as “obligations” to take better care of my body (and soul?) if I wanted to take part in the activities to better move things around me.

I’m also glad that my first daughter managed to obtain her university degree as scheduled. The next challenge obviously is to compete in the job market. I can only wish her all the best although as a mom—probably not even a good mom—of course, I will never cease to give her all the necessary supports.

My nephew is going to get married early next year. It is supposed to be a big event in the family and I wish I could have supported him in a much more “meaningful way.” However, as some people say: there is always a gap between what we want to do and what the situation hands us.

On my way to the office this afternoon, the traffic was so smooth. It didn’t even feel like a Jakarta traffic. Apparently, it won’t be until the first week of January that all the congestion will reappear.

Things look and sound very quiet out there… From where I sit now, I can only see several tired faces … for which I think I have only myself to blame.

Sigh… what a night, what a Christmas …

The EU ban – Djamal’s side of the story

The ban is still on!

As we all are aware, the European Union (EU) has decided to maintain its ban on all of the country’s airlines from flying to its member countries.

This policy, obviously, caught many Indonesian authorities by surprise because before they were quite optimistic that the ban would be lifted in October or November this year.

As it turned out, it was not the case.

Following is a recently published interview conducted by a colleague of mine with Transport Minister Juman Syafii Djamal.

Of course, it reflects the Minister’s side of the story only.

If we want to see things in perspective, probably we should also take the following information into consideration (although it goes without saying that it will be difficult to verify whether this information is accurate or not):

1. The Air Transport Director General was asked to submit a detailed Corrective Action Plan about air transport safety improvements in Indonesia. He, instead, came up with the so-called a Road Map to Zero Accident, which of course was not what EU wanted to see.

2. Even then, the so-called Road Map was submitted later the initially agreed schedule.

3. Finally, there was also a problem of “language barrier.”

Pheew….what a mess!

“Frankly I’m confused myself”

Almost six months since the European Union (EU) announced its ban on Indonesian airlines to fly over Europe the situation has not gotten any better. Initially, there were letters from the EU addressed to the Indonesian authorities, expressing their concerns over a string of air accidents that had happened in Indonesia over the past three years, and asking whether those mishaps were pure accidents, or whether they were caused by systemic errors in our air transportation system.

At that point, the Transport Ministry was in a phase of reorganization, and possibly the Indonesian response did not come fast enough. But as soon as Jusman Syafii Djamal was named Transport Minister, he immediately sent his Director General of Air Transport to Europe to join the annual meeting of the International Air Transportation Association, but the Director General was rejected for unclear reasons.

Following excerpts of a recent interview with Djamal about the latest developments regarding the fly ban.

Q: Why has the EU still not lifted the flying ban?

A: Frankly, I am confused myself, because the ban was issued without their having carried out any audit at all. EU never created a set of procedure for decently barring airlines from flying, and they have no respect for other countries' sovereignty. They announced the ban directly over the Internet, on their website. Other countries would have sent their ambassador to see me in case there were any concerns about flight safety in our country. They always do that. That is the standard procedure in inter-state communication and international cooperation. But EU is different. They just issued their ban on the Internet.

Q: Is that the standard EU procedure or specifically in the case of Indonesia.

A: Specifically in the case of Indonesia, it seems. With other countries they deliver letters, as is usual. And there is also another difference (in treatment). With other countries their ban is applied to the airlines having flights to Europe only. However, with Indonesia it was aimed at all our airline companies, which they said were 51 in number whereas actually we had only 47. And they identified all our airline companies as “unknown airlines.”

Q: Unknown airlines?

A: That was what they said in their first announcement on their website. All of the 51 Indonesian airlines are unknown airlines. That was also what they said in their letter to the president and vice president, delivered through me. That clearly proves that their information is inaccurate—aside from the fact that they are not giving the Indonesian civil aviation authorities to say what they need to say.

Q: And what was your personal reaction as Transport Minister at that time?
A: Actually it's O.K. with me. At first, I thought, maybe we did have some shortcomings, or even faults. Something that happened because we were having a change of Transport Ministers. For that reason, we said we would hold a dialog and cooperate in the process of finding a solution. So we sent a special presidential team led by Chappy Hakim to the EU headquarters to tell them we shared their concerns about air safety. I myself also wrote a letter to the EU official who signed the ban, and that’s why we hoped we could cooperate with the EU. Air safety cannot be improved by bans, it must be done by international cooperation. That’s what we emphasized.

Q: What happened to the special presidential envoy and the team?

A: They were not received with the courtesy that befits a visiting team from a friendly country. They kept telling us this was a technical problem and asked the team members to sign all sorts of forms, just like we do when we want to get our ID cards. We did all that patiently, and finally they understood the situation of the air transportation in Indonesia. They followed that up by sending an audit team to Indonesia from Nov.5-9.

Q: The media made it sound as if their visit went fine.

A: We were very open about whatever they wanted to know. And at the end of their visit, in a letter addressed to me, they didn't indicate that anything was wrong. Other audit teams do it differently—like the American or Australian teams for example, who listed all the points that needed attention. But this team only said that everything had been observed, and that the frequency and intensity of the internal control at those airlines should be improved. So too with their recommendations to the Transport Ministry, in which they asked to step up the supervision over the civil aviation industry in Indonesia. Therefore, we assumed that air safety had sufficiently improved.

Q: And ... ?

A: Last Nov. 19-20 they met and we also were given a chance to speak, although for only for 20 minutes. It was the Director General or Air Transport who spoke. According to the reports we received from our ambassador, everything went well. They lauded the progress that had been made in air safety but asked for time to make sure that the improvements were permanent.

Q: So the latest ban was issued after that meeting that went so well?

A: Yes. They did not sent a letter to me but put the ban on their website. Up to this moment the EU ambassador has not come to see me to deliver a letter. This is uncommon in relations between two friendly states, or in the international air transport community.

Q: What will be our next step?

A: I conveyed all that information to the president, and he asked me for recommendations in my capacity as the Transport Minister. Four points received the president's approval: 1. We would send a letter to the EU to express our disappointment over the extension of the ban. 2. If the EU flight ban was continued, we would call off the talks about an open air policy because we consider it unfair that the EU should be given access to our airspace while we were barred from flying in theirs. 3. We want to learn from them because it could be that their standards are higher than ours, and so we want to exercise our right to carry out ramp checks, checks on the air safety systems on KLM and Lufthansa aircraft landing in Indonesia. For learning purposes, what's the difference between Garuda Indonesia’s and their aircraft. 4. The president will put off his scheduled visit to Europe.

Fire at Polonia

Human neglect

The country’s aviation industry has suffered from a lot of problems in the last two months. First there was a report about a part of an airplane wing belonging to Batavia Air which fell off while the airplane already took off. Second, the European Union decided to keep its ban on all Indonesian airline companies to fly to the air space of its member countries. Third, the domestic terminal of the Polonia Airport in Medan, North Sumatra, went up in flames. And then, the turnpike leading to Jakarta’s Soekarno-Hatta Airport was flooded.

Apparently, it is difficult to predict when the industry will really be free from serious problems that catch the attention of not only Indonesians, but the international community as well.

Among the recent incidents, obviously it was the fire at Polonia which made the most headlines. Fire broke out late on Dec. 1 at the airport of the country’s third largest city, destroying the domestic passenger terminal.

If we can still be glad of something, then it must be about the fact that international operations were not affected while domestic flights largely returned to normal on Dec. 2. as a temporary shelter was put up and tables set up as makeshift domestic check-in counters.

There was only one case of injury reported and the police immediately carried out a thorough investigation including on the possibility of an act of sabotage although so far it had only been said that electricity short circuit might be the cause.

Of course we all know that air travel has started to become a major form of domestic transportation in Indonesia, a sprawling nation of 235 million people spread over 17,500 islands.We might not be really prepared for the sudden surge in air travel demands. Still, it is difficult for us not to say that most—may be even all—of the accidents which had been taking place were related to human neglect.

And when we are talking about negligence, it does not mean that only the regulator, in this case the Transport Ministry, which must be held responsible. The operators and managers must also be made accountable to the airline passengers in particular, and the public in general.

Without sense of responsibility and accountability—that reflect the fact that we do value human lives—it is very likely that we will see more problems and accidents affecting the country’s aviation and its supporting industries.

Night Shifter

Tentang pekerja shift malam dan tentang lain-lain...

It was once scientific heresy to suggest that smoking contributed to lung cancer. Now, another idea initially dismissed as nutty is gaining acceptance: the graveyard shift might increase your cancer risk.

Next month, the International Agency for Research on Cancer, the cancer arm of the World Health Organization, will classify shift work as a "probable" carcinogen.

That will put shift work in the same category as cancer-causing agents like anabolic steroids, ultraviolet radiation, and diesel engine exhaust.

If the shift work theory proves correct, millions of people worldwide could be affected. Experts estimate that nearly 20% of the working population in developed countries work night shifts.

Di atas adalah paragraf-paragraf awal dari suatu tulisan panjang yang disiarkan The Associated Press baru-baru ini. Intinya: pekerja shift malam cenderung lebih mudah terkena kanker. Setidaknya demikian temuan suatu studi ilmiah di Amerika Serikat.

Artikel yang cukup membuat aku berpikir ulang tentang “gaya hidup” yang aku jalani selama ini, yang, memang sama sekali tidak bisa digolongkan pada “gaya hidup sehat.”

Baru-baru ini dokter umumku, Dr. Tony Iman, menganjurkan aku untuk menjalani pemeriksaan hematologi lengkap. Sesuatu yang sampai tulisan ini kubuat, belum juga kulakukan.

Ada kekhawatiran bahwa akan banyak sekali masalah terkait kesehatan yang terungkap jika aku melakukan itu—dan pada saat ini, aku sama sekali tidak siap untuk menerima informasi tentang masalah-masalah yang sangat mungkin ada tersebut.

Di satu pihak aku memang praktis seorang fatalis, di lain pihak aku juga khawatir untuk menerima “kenyataan-kenyataan” buruk karena begitu banyak (utang) pekerjaan yang masih harus aku selesaikan.

Mungkin dalam beberapa waktu ke muka—saat aku sudah merasa lebih "nyaman"—aku akan menjalani pemeriksaan hematologi itu. Baru beberapa jam lalu aku menyadari, ada suatu laboratorium klinik yang terletak sangat dekat dari kantorku yang bisa kudatangi. Mungkin—ya, mungkin—aku akan mengunjungnya dalam beberapa hari ini.

Entah mengapa, rasanya aku belum benar-benar “sanggup” saat ini. Barangkali karena baru akhir bulan lalu aku berhenti berkunjung terus-menerus selama dua minggu ke rumah sakit untuk menjalani diatermi. Bukan proses yang menyenangkan karena seolah mengingatkan aku lagi betapa “rawan”-nya diriku ini oleh penyakit tertentu karena ibuku, kakekku, kakakku, semua meninggal dunia karena kanker.

Sebulan lalu dengan “terpaksa” setelah nyaris 10 tahun tak pernah berurusan dengan ginekolog aku harus menjumpai Dr. H. Muki Reksoprodjo, SpOG, yang lebih duapuluh tahun lalu membantu kelahiran kedua putriku.

Hasilnya: ya diatermi tadi! Selain obat-obatan yang sungguh menyiksa karena menimbulkan rasa mual luar biasa sementara setiap malam aku harus bergelut dengan tulisan, tulisan dan tulisan—dalam bahasa Inggris pula! Bahasa yang kadang sangat kurasakan manfaatnya karena dalam banyak hal “lebih ekspresif” dibanding bahasa Indonesia. Namun, kadang juga membuatku bertanya-tanya: masih bisakah aku menghasilkan tulisan yang mudah dicerna dalam bahasa Indonesia. [Jangan salah dan mengartikannya sebagai bahwa bahasa Inggrisku “sungguh baik dan benar”—bagaimanapun aku tidak pernah mempelajari bahasa tersebut secara formal.]

Catatan ini kutulis dalam bahasa Indonesia sebagai bagian dari upayaku untuk mencaritahu apakah benar—sebagai dikatakan beberapa teman—tulisanku dalam bahasa Indonesia serasa ditulis oleh orang yang bukan berbahasa ibu bahasa Indonesia. Alamak!

Kembali ke soal diatermi tadi…Pada saat tulisan ini kubuat, sudah lengkap aku jalani. Aku juga sudah menemui Dr. Muki kembali dan ia hanya mengatakan “semua sudah mengempis dan radang sudah mulai hilang.” Selanjutnya, “ya, kontrol rutin.”

Kedengarannya memang ringan: kontrol rutin. Tapi buat aku yang terbiasa mengabaikan keluhan fisik, hal itu bisa menjadi perkara besar. Terlalu kuat godaan yang harus aku hadapi untuk TIDAK melakukannya meski berulang-kali Muki menyatakan “being careful jauh lebih baik daripada being careless.” [Kutipan verbatim! Dia menggunakan bahasa Inggris untuk mengeskpresikan isi kepalanya! He, he, he….]

Baiklah, rasanya memang masih harus dilihat apakah aku akhirnya akan benar-benar terdorong melakukan kontrol rutin DAN menjalani pemeriksaan hematologi lengkap dalam waktu dekat.

Yang pasti hari-hari belakangan ini memang membuat aku banyak mengilas balik momen-momen tertentu dalam perjalananku. Teman-teman yang belakangan memberi begitu banyak warna pada kehidupanku: mereka yang hingga detik ini masih berupaya mempertahankan apa yang kita coba bangun bersama lebih setahun lalu: BN, HK, CJ, BZ, IK plus semua di newsroom dan unit umum, administrasi / keuangan, GF yang sekarang sedang berjuang melawan kanker dan setiap menit selalu ada dalam doaku dan doa teman-teman, DP, MN, PD di IMD Raden Saleh serta AP, SL, PS, PC, di SCHS Kuningan.

Tentu banyak pula nama-nama sebelum mereka yang juga memperkaya rute yang sudah kutempuh, terutama di ANT (tempat di mana aku pertama kali bekerja secara profesional dan juga tempat yang mendepakku keluar 12 tahun kemudian).

Ingat dad, mom, elder sis [oops, again English words!] dan banyak lagi sehingga kemudian muncul pertanyaan apakah kehadiranku selama ini di antara mereka semua juga meninggalkan jejak—dan yang lebih penting lagi apakah jejak itu baik atau buruk?

Aku, tentu saja, tidak bisa menjawabnya sendiri. Tapi memang aku masih harus mengerjakan banyak hal yang seharusnya sudah jauh lebih awal aku lakukan.

Sementara itu, hari-hari di muka, tampaknya masih harus aku lalui dengan sangat susah payah, including as a night-shifter who is prone to cancer [….he, he, he can’t help to write it down in English. But do forgive me, this is, at least for now, the final sentence after all.]